As I sit here reflecting on the past two years, three things pop into my head. First- her birth. After seven hours of anguish, agony, and exhaustion, there are few words to describe the moment the doctor placed this tiny baby with silky olive skin and a full head of dark brown (almost black) hair on my bare breast. The instant out skin touched, it was like magic. There was no more pain, the cloud of exhaustion vanish and in it's place was the purest joy and love only a mother can feel. Even now that memory brings tears to my eyes. This was the moment I had waited for for so long, to be introduced to the child I had carried for 38 weeks but dreamed about for five years.Second- my first day back at work. I was fortunate enough to get three months leave at work and got to spend every waking moment with my little angel. But spending all that time together made it all that more difficult leaving her for the first time. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I got up early, got showered and dressed and kissed my husband and little baby goodbye. Now, granted I was only going into work for a half day, I still sobbed like babbling idiot the moment I opened the front door, cried the entire way to work and sniffled for the first hour or so at work. I did manage to pull myself together by the time my boss made it in, but when it came time to pump for the first time, I was back to sobbing. The hours seems to go so slow but I did manage to get through that day.
The third thought is my daughter's first birthday. I thought my first day at work was hard, nope! I had planned to nurse my daughter until she turned one then transfer over to regular milk. I never really liked the idea of formula and I was never able to supply my mom with enough of my own milk to get my daughter through the day with just my milk alone, so my mom supplimented with formula. I thought one year of that was enough and wanted to get her off of formula all together when I stopped nursing. Well, on her first birthday, my daughter got up and decided on her own that she was no longer interested in nursing. She wanted what we were drinking and since I had bought her a new sippy cup with fun designs on the outside that she had picked out herself, that's what she wanted to use. I didn't get to take advantage and make that last nursing with her precious and memorable. I rushed through the bedtime process because I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. I didn't get the choice of when I wanted to stop nursing her, she made that choice on her own. That was the first of many decisions she's made on her own, with her own determination. This was the beginning of her independence and the end of some of her dependence on me. It was a bitter sweet moment. My little girl was growing up and becoming her own person.Now as she turns 2, I'm excited about the new journeys ahead of us, the new experiences in store for her, and to see the kind of person she will become. Already she is bright, bubbly, energetic, loving, and full of spirit. She has already become a person I admire. Becoming a mother was one of the greatest blessing of my life, but to be able to say that I am the mother of this amazing child, a child who brings so much joy to all those around her, makes me more proud than anything else in the world ever cool.
Happy birthday to the specialest girl in my life!
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